Poetry Chellange Day 16

Rattler has a class starting soon, so this will have to be quick. Rattler completed the day 16 challenge, which was to write a poem inspired by the one she posted yesterday. Rattler doesn’t know why she’s referring to herself in the third person. Haha I’m not sure what I think of this one, it just kind of… happened. Which, I suppose, is the whole idea of inspiration, right?

 

The rain pounds all around,
Lightening shatters the black of night,
Thunder rolls its growling sound,
The wind and branches fight.

I quiver in fear, balled up on the ground,
No strength to battle the sights and sounds,
My knees hit the earth, and you wrap all around.
In you, strength and peace forever abound,
On you, I pray, let my feet always be found!

 

Please tell me what you think! I am always seeking to improve my craft, but I can’t do that without outside opinions and suggestions. After all, we can’t see the log in our own eye!

-Rattler

 

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2 thoughts on “Poetry Chellange Day 16

  1. I love the imagery! Make me think a little bit of “His chariots of wroth the deep thunderclouds form, and dark is His path on the wings of the storm” 😀 I mean definitely different images of the storm but similar in word-picture. Forgive my poem ignorance, I don’t recognize the style of poem (haiku and bad haiku are really all I’ve ever attempted) but to my unschooled ears, it seems like the rhythm isn’t quite right. I love the thoughts, but it feels just “off” to me. So, for what it’s worth, there’s my critique.

    • Rattler says:

      Thanks for the input! You know, I hadn’t thought of that, but you’re right! Very similar imagery! 😀 And it is actually free-form, so there isn’t a set meter or rhyme scheme. But my mind gives me it’s own boundaries, and I usually try to keep within my own meter and scheme. This one strayed from my usual patterns, and while I thought I would change it at first, I realized the change itself almost echoes the “peace that surpasses all understanding”. I left the second stanza without any set pattern in contrast to the first, because the first represents the pains of a fallen world. It has it’s chains in meter and scheme, chains that allow the fallen human mind to make sense of it. The second is about God’s love and peace, which are naturally incomprehensible to the fallen human mind. I personally would have liked to keep the scheme and meter throughout to let it flow, but decided to leave it as it was in order to show the incredible, undefinable nature of God’s love and peace. 🙂 Again, Thank you! I really appreciate the critique! 😀

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